Come as you are, but don’t stay the same…

I finally finished reading the fourth Harry Potter book.  I just sat down to read some more of it yesterday and I couldn’t put it down.  And once I was done, I just wanted to keep reading, pick up the next one and stay absorbed in the story of the Boy Who Lived.

I know I sound nuts.  But that’s ok.  I want to be immersed in a different world right now, as mine is slowly sinking, changing, evolving in ways I never thought would happen.  And I’m hanging on until I can get my footing again.

xx

And it’s so funny because what I need to write about on here, I can’t.  Not because I can’t find the words but because I have already gone over it so many times in my head, that it hurts thinking about now.

xx

But something less dramatic that has invaded my brain space for some time is that feeling of moving on.  In the sense of leaving a place/time in your life behind to start a new chapter.

I know some people who recently graduated college and some that recently graduated high school.  I have memories of the ladder, and looking at pictures of these friends doing all the activities I did when I was a senior in high school, it brought me back to that feeling.

The sublime, surreal feeling of spending the last few days at a place, doing things for the last time.  Seeing people for the last times, walking those halls as a student for the last time.  None of it hit me on those last few days.  In my brain, I knew I was doing things for the last time; but in my heart, it didn’t sink in right away.  I remember being so excited to be done with high school and to start that adventure called college.  And time passes where the feeling fades, the scenery changes, the time slips.  You grow used to the change.  And now I am so close to returning to that feeling because I am almost done with college (which has been a pretty calm adventure in my experience).

The weird part is returning.  I have revisited my high school several times since graduating, and I had this moment where I was walking the halls with other students and thought “I am no longer a part of this.  This all looks so young.  Everyone looks so young.”  And then the bell rang, and I remember loving that there was nowhere I needed to be at that moment.  No teacher would be looking for me to take attendance.  I could be wherever I wanted to be without getting in trouble or needing to be somewhere else.

But in all honesty, going back helped me really move forward.  Because being in that place, my old high school, it didn’t feel like it was mine anymore.  It’s a part of my past and a part of me, but in the past is where it needs to stay.

xx

XOX OXO XOX